Julie’s Testimony, An Open Letter To The Rozells: The Potters Field Case
Do you see yet? Do you see what you have done? Do you see that all of us are genuinely and rightfully hurt? Do these testimonies really sound like everyone is out to get you? Do you feel it yet? Do you feel the pain of what everyone is feeling? Or do you even feel anymore? Please don’t try to reach deep down within to remember the heart that brought this ministry into existence. You haven’t been operating in it for some time, therefore you cannot rely on it.
So, since you’re letting 20-30 year old’s speak into your life, please listen in: you both have become the abusers, and we are hurting!
Please own your part in all of this. Please stop saying “I am being still and knowing He is God” while you send your pawns out to play the game and fight for you. If I were in your shoes, I would have laid down my pastoral title and sworn to never disciple again. I would have seen the damage I did in these young people’s lives, intentional or not, and realized that I just got it wrong. I would say I’m not the guy. I’m actually Saul not David. But I guess that’s the difference between me and you. God has built you for this, remember? You were built to endure this persecution for doing the Lord’s work. You told me that! You! In front of Pam and my husband. Just look at the fruit of your work!!! Listen to these people with pastoral ears! They are anguishing in shame and trembling in fear. You told me that God has laid His hands on you and ordained you for this. This!?
I believe the example you used was “like Job”. Job was a ‘blameless and upright’ (1:1). But the people coming out of the woodwork that are still suffering from you and Pam are NOT the fruit of ‘blameless and upright’, are they? Are they? Mike, you know that everything that I have shared about has been true, everything we have all shared is true. You know it! You have to know it – because its true. Remember when I was grieving over my father’s death in IGNITE and you told me that he’s already dead so get over so I can be free indeed and not just free? Now I’m telling you, accept it and move on so you can be free indeed. Not the most comforting biblical counsel is it? Way to love the fatherless!
Do you remember when you asked me to go unsaved on the insurance companies so I could get you a brand new trailer? I just need to let you know that I was puffed up by that. But you should have known that. You were my senior pastor and knew that I struggled with letting work define me, much less what that did to my marriage. Oh, Pam, do you remember calling me to see what insurance strings I could pull to get your sub-contractor fired? I can recover the text messages that you asked me to delete if you need a reminder. Or what about when all of this CCA stuff started toppling down and you two called me all the time? I felt so loved and comforted by you. Sometimes you wanted me to share with you secrets I knew about people who left, sometimes you needed me to lie to a pastor (and yes it’s a lie when you give me a script before the phone call and then tell the pastor this is the first time we are talking about it), sometimes, Mike, you called me alone and in secret asking me to keep secrets from my husband, which I did because you told me that’s honoring the Lord by submitting to my authority. Do you remember those phone calls and meetings? You were my senior pastor and leader!!!! What do you think that reads to me? That is derailing!!!
Here’s the thing, you cannot deny it because you know it happened, and you will stand before God one day to answer for all of this. What about when I got raged on for trying to help someone in the community because you weren’t controlling it? Go back to that memory, try to look past the dollar signs and try to remember the fear that was in my eyes. Do you remember??? They probably looked similar to my son’s when you put your hand around his neck and told him that is what it feels like to have the enemy controlling your life. My son! The MudBoy! Which, by the way, since we left, our relationship has flourished. He admitted to me that the favor that you placed upon him made him prideful and that’s why he was so defiant and rebellious to me. (Ironically, I came to you for council when I couldn’t get him to submit to me.) He said he could feel the pressure to live up to your expectations. He said this all on his own which gives me hope that he still has the Spirit of God in him considering he won’t even open his bible because of you!!! You! He is walking away from his Jesus because of you! You have stumbled a literal child in the faith. Are you hearing me? This nine year old is not out to get you. This nine year old is not jealous that you broke the Christian code (MudMan) and wants it. This nine year old is crushed in spirit because of you. Does that break your heart? Does that even penetrate your heart?
What about yours, Pam? Pam, do you remember the last few times that we met for bible study as the “12”? Do you remember how angry I was? Do you remember how confused I was? I lied. I told everyone I was mad at someone who left the ministry, but really, Pam, I was mad at you. This is why: When we were in the showroom at the ranch meeting with a pastor who was investigating the ministry, as I was sharing I saw you whispering something to me, and I asked you out loud what you were trying to tell me. Ring a bell? You looked away like I was an idiot. But I knew. I knew what you said. I knew what and who you were asking me to expose. It was in that moment that I realized how used I was. I hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt devalued. I literally felt like I had no worth! I thought about dying to escape. I felt like yours and Mike’s puppet. You used me to save your face! All of the loving you two had towards me was just conditioning me for fighting your battles. All three of us knew I was bearing false witness, but I continued to do it. Partly because I thought I needed your approvals, but really it was because no one is allowed to question Mike.
You might remember saying this, I know I do, that God gave the vision of this ministry to you, and if anyone tries to give their input then it creates a monster, something with two heads. Oh, it definitely creates a monster! I wasn’t going to do that. That’s why we didn’t confront you when we left. That’s why I didn’t tell you how uncomfortable I was when you started sharing about another girl’s sexual sin and asked me if her sin was normal for little girls, or when you wanted to unpack my sexually sinful past. Mike, I was so scared when you started talking about that! You know my past, so why would you put me in that situation? Unless, that is why you did it. But I may as well admit to it all, every time you said the word “porn” or “masturbation” or “same-sex”, I cringed. I just wanted to disappear. I stumbled in confusion. Things that I thought I had put to death were being brought back up through you. I was literally reliving some of my worst memories through you. And here’s what’s crazy, I told you that your character broke these chains and set me free. I told you that God shared that with me. But, unfortunately, I fed my pearls to swine, because days after I shared that with you, God showed me the whole lesson.
Yes, Mike, your character has broken those chains of fear in my life, but it wasn’t your good character that did it. It was God sustaining me despite your corrupt character! So now, full circle, your fruit is all of our testimonies. God’s fruit is the courage to make them public. Your fruit was the ones who lost faith and turned away. God’s fruit is His pursuit for them. I never saw that character in you. Ever! You always tried to ruin God’s fruit. Just like the way my family and I left – righteously. We were faithful the 2 ½ years we served PFM, we tithed every month, even before you rebuked everyone for not giving back to your church, and we never complained about the workload (BTW, I know why you were asking for tithe money. I remember what happened at the end of 2018 – it wasn’t her fault, it was yours and you broke her over it). That was the Spirit in us, but you tried to squash it by telling everyone that I was going to “abuse my son”. And you said this after I got your apology letter already apologizing for all of this.
I just want you to know that it turned people who were still in the ministry to reach out to us and from that convo are no longer in the ministry. And honestly, how could you use my past and twist it like that? Berta would be so disappointed in you, because God gave her a second chance at parenting just like He did me, and she would never want her past thrown in her face like that. You attack other people to protect your own sins from being exposed. And you actually believe that God has made all of these people suffer in the name of your faith?? “You sound like a self-centered narcissistic eight year old”. Remember telling my husband that when we tried to leave the ministry to be closer to family? You’re right about one thing, writing a letter to the ones who have wronged me really does make me feel better. I do hope this letter brings your sin to the light so God can start working on you, like you counseled. Isn’t that why you always had us prepare letters for the ones who left, who were in “sin”? Honestly, I started this letter in hopes of getting through to yours and Pam’s heart, but really I think I was the one touched by it. Thank God that I am finally “free indeed”!
Anyone reach out for further details,
P.S. – I never got to tell you this before I left, but I wasn’t able to obtain worker’s comp in CA, FL or WA.