I hope it helps somebody and that’s worth the risk of people thinking less of me.
A great thing happened, then a not so great thing happened.
The great thing that happened is my lost cats were found.
Cinnabon and Marcel had not been seen (by me) since the fires that torched our area.
I looked for them often, but there had been no sign of either.
The other day, as I was pulling up to the curb, I saw my young neighbor walking with his mom…and bounding behind them was Cinnabon.
She bounded right into car with me and a joyous reunion took place.
She had moved in with the little cat whisperer while I was gone…and he reported that Marcel now lives next door.
I was relieved and grateful…but the grief I’d delayed dealing with came in floods….finding the cats was the last matter to be dealt with before I could grieve, now the grief was relentless and it didn’t stop with the trauma of the fires.
The last few years have been tough…financial problems, health problems, and lots of loss.
Sometime ago, years ago, I gave up.
I continued on here,continued to care for others, but took no care for myself.
I could patch it together enough to look “normal” when I had to…but I was buried, both mentally and physically.
My living space looked like something from one of those tv shows about hoarders…dirty, cramped, and toxic to body and soul.
Suddenly, I started grieving for myself.
I had become one of those those people Charles Bowden spoke of… “some of the dead are still breathing”.
God has given me enough light in the darkness to try to live again.
On the curb outside my house sits a rented dumpster.
I’m filling it with layers of junk…cleaning up here is like an archeological dig.
The lost years are all going away.
Once it is full, I will start work on my mind.
I tell you all these things to tell you this.
If you’ve given up, get up.
If you’re still breathing…you matter.
You matter and God still has a purpose for you…and that purpose is grounded in divine love.
“Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” (Hebrews 12:12–13 ESV)
Healing happens in stages…take the first step.
The first step for some might be getting medication for a season or for the duration…do what you need to do.
If, like me, your pride caused you to isolate from those who love you…throw your pride in a dumpster.
They know, but no one can help unless you let them.
Get rid of anything…and anybody…toxic.
Life is hard, but life is good.
Make your own application…