What Good Is a Doubting Pastor?
Where was God and why was He allowing such unending calamity?
I had no real answer…as I am often asking the same questions.
I felt useless and in some ways even harmful…as I just didn’t have the stomach to repeat the same failed cliches that preachers use when they want to appear as if they are wise in the ways of God.
“God is using this to (fill in the blank) you”…as if God gives me His action plans for other kids.
“God is working all these things together for good”…even though these things are not good at all and you won’t recognize the good until after you’re dead and resurrected.
“God is strengthening your faith”…even as I try to help gather pieces of shattered faith off the floor…
We all desire to have a life and a faith where everything makes sense, things are eventually fair, and things work out in the end.
In truth, it’s only after the end of all things that these things will certainly happen.
We want to have faith in spiritual mechanisms…”if I do this, then God will do this”.
We pray in hope that He will hear and act and because it makes us feel like we’re doing something.
That feeling is often all we get out of the exercise.
I’m at a point spiritually where I’ve seen others become agnostics and some have left the faith completely.
I’m not leaving because I know two things that are true.
God is good.
God is present.
That intense desire to see the world as it should be, as it was created to be, comes from God Himself.
He proved His “goodness” by leaving heaven when He knew His end was a cross.
In doing so, He made certain that one day all our heart cries will be heard and satisfied.
God is present…even we cannot discern His presence.
He promised not to abandon us and He hasn’t…even when circumstances scream that we’re alone.
The good I can do as a pastor with my own doubts is to remind you that He is good indeed and then be present to represent Him when circumstances aren’t.
I don’t have a hotline to heaven or the wisdom of the ages…the mechanisms have failed me too.
We are all broken people living in a fallen world, waiting on the world to come.
The best thing I can do for you…that we can do for each other…is to be present with each other and remind ourselves that He is good and He has not abandoned us to the fall.
It will be enough…until He comes.
I believe, help my unbelief…